Tuesday, May 26, 2009

My Fearful Heart's Contradiction

I would like you to read a couple excerpts from Christian Perfection by Francois Fenelon.

"What folly to fear to be too entirely God's! It is to fear to be too happy. It is to fear to love God's will in all things. It is to fear to have too much courage in the crosses which are inevitable, too much comfort in God's love, and too much detachment from the passions which make us miserable." He continues later saying, "We must be born again, renounce ourselves, hate ourselves, become a child, be poor in spirit, weep to be comforted, and not be of the world which is cursed because of its scandals. These truths frighten many people, and this is because they only know what religion exacts without knowing what it offers, and they ignore the spirit of love which makes everything easy. They do not know that it leads to the highest perfection by a feeling of peace and love which sweetens all the struggle."

Wow! I'm not exactly sure where to start, but I do have a few thoughts.
1. I know God to be a true lover of my soul. I have tasted this love of God, and it has convicted me...mostly. Openly speaking, I have still found myself fearful of being "too entirely God's." I am not sure I can really explain that, but there has been more than one time I have felt like Neo from The Matrix standing on one building being beckoned by Morpheus to jump. The jump seems impossible, and the fear of failure clouds my mind. How insane is it that I fear failure in the hands of God the Creator?!?! I am embarrassed to even confess that. Yet, I am convicted by Fenelon's understanding and King David's words "Come, see and taste how sweet is the Lord." What immaturity to fear to be too fully God's.
2. Fenelon goes on to challenge every would-be Jesus-follower to renounce the passions of this world and boldly confess our brokenness before the Great Physician. If there is anything I have learned over the past several months, it is that I am a horrible sinner. There truly is nothing good about me. And, there are times that I find myself living in pride and taking credit for the greatness of God in my life. Jesus-followers cannot live any other way than with an attitude of surrender and an emptying of oneself.
3. I am learning this last thought on a daily basis. God's way of living is more of a blessing each and everyday I surrender because he offers (John 10:10) so much more than he asks of us. For those out there who see God as a taker and not the Giver of Life, please reconsider submission to our Savior. I can speak from experience that God's Spirit does live in you and work through you to offer you peace, joy, and a love beyond what I could have imagined. This supernatural Holy Spirit is the cure for all of our sinful sicknesses.

1 comment:

  1. Josh, I suffer from the malady of forgetting that God loves me unconditionally. Even though I know mentally that he does, I spend much of my life in the frame of mind that I am trying to earn his love when in reality it has already been given. I like the Matrix analogy. When I read that part of your blog it made me think about the words of Christ when he said that we need to be like little children. The child trusts the father with its well being,safety, protection, and sustenance. The child goes where the father leads. The child trusts the father and fears seperation from him. It is because of this inherent trust and dependance of children on their parents that we find it so horrific for a parent to abuse a child. I believe that it is truly the greatest betrayal a child can experience. Maybe the surrender that you speak of can only be acheived through trusting and relying upon God just as a child trusts and relies on their earthly parents. I think if we are confident in the true goodness of God as demonstrated by Jesus Christ then we are able to live in his love and in turn that love will shine into our world through us. We have a Father who will never betray or abuse our trust and confidence in him if we are willing to give it to him through our surrender.