I would like you to read a couple excerpts from Christian Perfection by Francois Fenelon.
"What folly to fear to be too entirely God's! It is to fear to be too happy. It is to fear to love God's will in all things. It is to fear to have too much courage in the crosses which are inevitable, too much comfort in God's love, and too much detachment from the passions which make us miserable." He continues later saying, "We must be born again, renounce ourselves, hate ourselves, become a child, be poor in spirit, weep to be comforted, and not be of the world which is cursed because of its scandals. These truths frighten many people, and this is because they only know what religion exacts without knowing what it offers, and they ignore the spirit of love which makes everything easy. They do not know that it leads to the highest perfection by a feeling of peace and love which sweetens all the struggle."
Wow! I'm not exactly sure where to start, but I do have a few thoughts.
1. I know God to be a true lover of my soul. I have tasted this love of God, and it has convicted me...mostly. Openly speaking, I have still found myself fearful of being "too entirely God's." I am not sure I can really explain that, but there has been more than one time I have felt like Neo from The Matrix standing on one building being beckoned by Morpheus to jump. The jump seems impossible, and the fear of failure clouds my mind. How insane is it that I fear failure in the hands of God the Creator?!?! I am embarrassed to even confess that. Yet, I am convicted by Fenelon's understanding and King David's words "Come, see and taste how sweet is the Lord." What immaturity to fear to be too fully God's.
2. Fenelon goes on to challenge every would-be Jesus-follower to renounce the passions of this world and boldly confess our brokenness before the Great Physician. If there is anything I have learned over the past several months, it is that I am a horrible sinner. There truly is nothing good about me. And, there are times that I find myself living in pride and taking credit for the greatness of God in my life. Jesus-followers cannot live any other way than with an attitude of surrender and an emptying of oneself.
3. I am learning this last thought on a daily basis. God's way of living is more of a blessing each and everyday I surrender because he offers (John 10:10) so much more than he asks of us. For those out there who see God as a taker and not the Giver of Life, please reconsider submission to our Savior. I can speak from experience that God's Spirit does live in you and work through you to offer you peace, joy, and a love beyond what I could have imagined. This supernatural Holy Spirit is the cure for all of our sinful sicknesses.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Things that drive me crazy...
I know full well that what I'm about to write will be frustrating to some. I don't mean to be indicting or judgemental here, but I do want to express a frustration. When you contemplate Christianity and Discipleship, what comes to mind? When you ponder what this whole following Jesus is about, where do your thoughts take you? When you boil down all the things that the church should be, what is left at the center as most important?
I truly love my job. I love working with teens and their families. I love serving as a minister inside the church...on most days. However, there are times I would be willing to do any other job. That's probably an overstatement, but I have definitely said that out loud before without fully thinking it through. I have devoted my life to knowing my God and following his will. I have offered my life back to God to use me in any way he sees fit, and it seems pretty obvious to me that for the time being that I am supposed to be at Broadway.
Forgive me if this is not where you saw this thought going, but there are parts of me that really struggle being proud of my heritage in the Church of Christ. I know full well that this struggle may be generational. I know full well that this struggle may be a "me" problem, and I am willing to work through this. Many of the most influential people in my life have been "die-hard" Church of Christ. They have blessed me in transformational ways that I will never full be able to thank them for.
Over the past two weeks, I have been in some very discouraging conversations. These conversations have been centered upon women's role in the church, instrumental music, baptism, and communion. I don't have time to go into all of these thoughts. If you'd like to know what I think, let's grab some coffee. However, what drives me crazy, what makes me want to scream, is this attitude of being right. In each of these five or six conversations I've been apart of, I have felt an attitude saying that we are right and they are wrong. When I say "they", I mean other churches. When I say "we", I mean the Church of Christ. When did being "right" become the end all be all of following Jesus? When did discipleship become about distinguishing ourselves from the Baptists, Presbyterians, or Methodists down the street? When did knowing God become about forcing others to conform to our way of doing things? I know in my heart that God has passed down the appropriate ways to live for him. I know through my study that God has thoughts on what is "orderly" for corporate worship. I understand that we all have our preferences, but it seems like that's what the majority of our fights rest on. The "I like it this way, so that's the way I want to do church" life. That attitude doesn't bother me all that much. I have my own preferences about church and how we do it. What bothers me is this "I'm right," and "they are wrong" mentality.
If some of the people who have raised me were to read this next comment, they might disown me. I'm going to say it because those of you who know me know that I respect those who have gone before us. But, there are days I want to go to another church. There are days I would like to go to any other church, and by that I mean any other church outside the Church of Christ. When I meet or hang out with my friends in youth ministry who don't go to a Church of Christ, I find myself constantly defending my beliefs. I have been told a thousand times, "Don't you think you're the only ones going to heaven?" I get this question a lot too; "So if I use a guitar, God won't listen to my singing?"
I know there are many in the "C of C" today who don't think this way, but I have been reminded the past couple of weeks that there are still quite a few out there. My goal and the focus of my life centers on this thought, "If I could bring someone into the presence of Jesus, what would he want them to know or experience?" I have a hard time believing he'd want me to bring up instrumental worship. I think he'd have a completely different mindset. The Holy Spirit's movement in my life leads me to believe Jesus would want me to humbly love and live out an example of abundant life before them. Obviously, there are those who would disagree with me. To those people I say, I respect your thoughts and opinions, but this is the man I believe God is calling me to be. And in all of this, I feel more free in Christ than I ever have.
I truly love my job. I love working with teens and their families. I love serving as a minister inside the church...on most days. However, there are times I would be willing to do any other job. That's probably an overstatement, but I have definitely said that out loud before without fully thinking it through. I have devoted my life to knowing my God and following his will. I have offered my life back to God to use me in any way he sees fit, and it seems pretty obvious to me that for the time being that I am supposed to be at Broadway.
Forgive me if this is not where you saw this thought going, but there are parts of me that really struggle being proud of my heritage in the Church of Christ. I know full well that this struggle may be generational. I know full well that this struggle may be a "me" problem, and I am willing to work through this. Many of the most influential people in my life have been "die-hard" Church of Christ. They have blessed me in transformational ways that I will never full be able to thank them for.
Over the past two weeks, I have been in some very discouraging conversations. These conversations have been centered upon women's role in the church, instrumental music, baptism, and communion. I don't have time to go into all of these thoughts. If you'd like to know what I think, let's grab some coffee. However, what drives me crazy, what makes me want to scream, is this attitude of being right. In each of these five or six conversations I've been apart of, I have felt an attitude saying that we are right and they are wrong. When I say "they", I mean other churches. When I say "we", I mean the Church of Christ. When did being "right" become the end all be all of following Jesus? When did discipleship become about distinguishing ourselves from the Baptists, Presbyterians, or Methodists down the street? When did knowing God become about forcing others to conform to our way of doing things? I know in my heart that God has passed down the appropriate ways to live for him. I know through my study that God has thoughts on what is "orderly" for corporate worship. I understand that we all have our preferences, but it seems like that's what the majority of our fights rest on. The "I like it this way, so that's the way I want to do church" life. That attitude doesn't bother me all that much. I have my own preferences about church and how we do it. What bothers me is this "I'm right," and "they are wrong" mentality.
If some of the people who have raised me were to read this next comment, they might disown me. I'm going to say it because those of you who know me know that I respect those who have gone before us. But, there are days I want to go to another church. There are days I would like to go to any other church, and by that I mean any other church outside the Church of Christ. When I meet or hang out with my friends in youth ministry who don't go to a Church of Christ, I find myself constantly defending my beliefs. I have been told a thousand times, "Don't you think you're the only ones going to heaven?" I get this question a lot too; "So if I use a guitar, God won't listen to my singing?"
I know there are many in the "C of C" today who don't think this way, but I have been reminded the past couple of weeks that there are still quite a few out there. My goal and the focus of my life centers on this thought, "If I could bring someone into the presence of Jesus, what would he want them to know or experience?" I have a hard time believing he'd want me to bring up instrumental worship. I think he'd have a completely different mindset. The Holy Spirit's movement in my life leads me to believe Jesus would want me to humbly love and live out an example of abundant life before them. Obviously, there are those who would disagree with me. To those people I say, I respect your thoughts and opinions, but this is the man I believe God is calling me to be. And in all of this, I feel more free in Christ than I ever have.
Monday, May 11, 2009
The Question is God
When you think about yourself, what comes to mind? When you truly do some deep reflecting, what happens? For some of us the deep reflecting times don't happen too often. I used to live that way. There was no more uncomfortable and guilty struggle than when I openly and honestly reflected upon who I was. I spent each minute looking at the good and bad in my life wondering how I could fix things. It is very easy to see sinfulness, focus on insecurities, and exaggerate downfalls. Celebrating joys and successes is often very hard.
Now days things have changed. My thoughts or self-reflection time doesn't go that way anymore. I have learned something very interesting about God and myself. During the self-reflection times God has reminded me that even my personal evaluation is not about me. It's a funny concept. One would think that self-reflection is just that...it is a way to evaluate yourself. But, God has been teaching me something lately. His work seems to be completely focused on pushing me to the side. To be truly transparent, he seems to be killing me off. Now days my self-reflection rests entirely upon what he is up to and how he is changing me. Over and over I try to take control of the transformation process, but I am continuously reminded that my growth is really about him. The Spirit's work in my life leaves me as the passive one in the relationship. God is working on me, through me, and all over. My job or role in all of this seems to be submission.
So I find myself in a weird, spiritual twilight zone. My self-reflection times have me asking one question...God. I don't think that's even a question, but that's all I ask and contemplate. Every question revolves around the Holy Spirit's work in my life. Where is it? How's it working? Am I surrendering? What is God saying and teaching? The craziest thing has happened. I feel more at peace about who I am now than I ever have before. That being said, there has never been another time in my life where I have felt more in limbo. As different or even arrogant as this sounds, I think I'm transforming more into God's image. My faith is deepening. My eyes are opened to the Spirit's work in me and around me. My heart is more subdued to God's will than ever before, and I have only asked that one question...God. What was this cognitive understanding about God has become this interesting daily conversation and inner dialogue. Well, it's not really much of a conversation right now I guess. For years I spent my time telling God what I needed and wanted, and right now he is the only one speaking. I'm just here listening, waiting, and yielding to the Spirit. Is that weird? Is it normal? I don't know. But, it feels right.
Now days things have changed. My thoughts or self-reflection time doesn't go that way anymore. I have learned something very interesting about God and myself. During the self-reflection times God has reminded me that even my personal evaluation is not about me. It's a funny concept. One would think that self-reflection is just that...it is a way to evaluate yourself. But, God has been teaching me something lately. His work seems to be completely focused on pushing me to the side. To be truly transparent, he seems to be killing me off. Now days my self-reflection rests entirely upon what he is up to and how he is changing me. Over and over I try to take control of the transformation process, but I am continuously reminded that my growth is really about him. The Spirit's work in my life leaves me as the passive one in the relationship. God is working on me, through me, and all over. My job or role in all of this seems to be submission.
So I find myself in a weird, spiritual twilight zone. My self-reflection times have me asking one question...God. I don't think that's even a question, but that's all I ask and contemplate. Every question revolves around the Holy Spirit's work in my life. Where is it? How's it working? Am I surrendering? What is God saying and teaching? The craziest thing has happened. I feel more at peace about who I am now than I ever have before. That being said, there has never been another time in my life where I have felt more in limbo. As different or even arrogant as this sounds, I think I'm transforming more into God's image. My faith is deepening. My eyes are opened to the Spirit's work in me and around me. My heart is more subdued to God's will than ever before, and I have only asked that one question...God. What was this cognitive understanding about God has become this interesting daily conversation and inner dialogue. Well, it's not really much of a conversation right now I guess. For years I spent my time telling God what I needed and wanted, and right now he is the only one speaking. I'm just here listening, waiting, and yielding to the Spirit. Is that weird? Is it normal? I don't know. But, it feels right.
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